the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
