my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
