Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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