The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i love accidental penises.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
