Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
