Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I deserve this hangover.
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