id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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