Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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