I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
