This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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