pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
