I bet he comes in French.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
