so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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