You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
