Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
