This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
