dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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