His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
