I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
