Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
