Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
