you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
