Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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