Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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