I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
