I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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