His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
