Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
