the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
