Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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