Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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