my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
