That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
