I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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