someone get that fucking seahorse.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
