i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize