You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize