we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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