Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
