dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
