I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
