I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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