Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize