Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
