Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
