Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
