I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to jail i love you
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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