I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
