I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You made out with two different species that night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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