I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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