so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
