just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
