walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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