guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just high enough for therapy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize