Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
