i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
