I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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