bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
