It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
