he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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