You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
