We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
