the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
