he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
