yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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