so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
