the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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