Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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