every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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