I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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