**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
