My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
