Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
