When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
