something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
