ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
