1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
